If you would like to read the full article “The Ring of Safety” by Dave Hingsburger please click on this link: http://www.wecarealot.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/The-Ring-of-Safety-article.pdf

“FRIEND” is too special of a title to give to just anyone.  We use “true friends” instead of just calling people a friend.  Why is “true” in there?  Because the word friend is overused.  “Friend” is used to describe just about anyone a person with a disability may know, whether it’s a staff member, someone in the community, or a peer at day program.  On many occasions after only knowing someone briefly, I’ve been called a “friend” almost immediately.  I am always careful to point out that if we have just met, I am still a stranger.  Some may call this mean, but I call it abuse prevention.

By calling someone a friend it implies a level of trust.  However, trust has to be earned over time by respecting the person as a whole, as well as their privacy and boundaries.  If someone has a hard time being able to tell when they are being taken advantage of or even abused, then by calling just anyone a friend you are opening them up to trusting just anyone, which swings the door wide open for abuse.  If we can instead teach people that not everyone is a friend and that trust has to be earned, then we are teaching that person how to prevent abuse in their own life.

Not being encouraged to create real friendships is all too common in the world of social services.  I recently read an obituary for a gentleman with Down Syndrome in his 40′s who had passed away.  In his obituary it talked about who he was survived by.  The list was short and it made me sad- his parents, siblings and his “best friend”, who was his social recreation worker, a paid staff.  No one, and I mean NO one, should have to pay someone to be their friend.  If you hear a staff member say, “than who else would be their friend if not me?”, there should be a very serious conversation that ensues.  Can you imagine saying that about your child?  I would think not.  So why would you say that about an adult?  A staff member who makes a statement like this is a staff member that does not see the person they are caring for as an equal.

People with disabilities DESERVE real relationships.  Staff should be encouraged to teach people real social skills: how to carry a conversation that doesn’t revolve around them; how to make plans with someone to go out and do something; find what their real interests are, not just what is convenient for staff (can we say bowling and bingo?); find new interests to try, real hobbies that can give them a commonality with others.

A TRUE friend is someone you have a real relationship with- you have common interests, things to talk about, you both help each other, and you both need each other.  A true friend is someone you could call in the middle of the night after a fight with your boyfriend.  A true friend is someone you would drop everything for in a heartbeat to help, no questions asked.  A true friend is someone who knows you absolutely hate zucchini with a passion and will leave it out when they cook for you.  A true friend is someone who doesn’t have to be reminded of your birthday or your mom’s name or why you can’t help but laugh when certain commercials come on.  Everyone deserves true friends.

So, with Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, have you thought about what you want to do?  Some people enjoy doing something with their “sweetheart,” which usually includes the giving of a little gifts to each other or going somewhere special together.  Other people give valentine cards to people they care about to show them that they are special.  I have enjoyed going to a pretty place in the mountains with good music on the way there, and I like enjoying the beauty around us as we talk or just enjoying the quiet together.  Mochas, frappucinnos, and such are always a perfect addition! Do you have a special person or special people in your life whom you would like to do something special for as a way to show them how much they mean to you?  What do you want to do for them?  What would you like the  special person(s) in your life to do for you?

Jessica

Jenelle is now the new President for People First of Shasta
County. In February People First of Shasta will have a firefighter as a guest
speaker. He will be discussing firefighting equipment and safety.

• The risk of being physically or sexually assaulted for adults with developmental disabilities is likely 4 to 10 times as high as it is for other adults (Sobsey, 1994).
• Children with any kind of disability are more than twice as likely to be sexually abused (Little, 2004).
• Regardless of age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation or class, women with disabilities are assaulted, raped and abused at a rate more than two times greater than non-disabled women (Cusitar, 1994; Sobsey, 1994).
• Women with developmental disabilities are more likely to be re-victimized by the same person, and more than half never seek assistance with legal or treatment services (Pease & Frantz, 1994).
• Although about 80% of women and 60% of men with developmental disabilities will be sexually molested by age 18, only 3% of their attackers go to jail (Hingsburger, Press Release CP Wire, May 2002).

 http://www.teachingsexualhealth.ca/media/pdf/Sexuality_Developmental_Disability.pdf

I read Louise Hay’s January Newsletter and one article really spoke to me and touched a chord in my heart.  I am guilty of making resolutions and/or setting goals and feeling like a failure when I don’t see results in “my time“.  Have you ever felt frustrated because your plans aren’t coming together fast enough?  Have you quit working on a goal because you didn’t see any results?  I hate to admit it, but I have.

Louise Hay’s January Newsletter addresses this issue by writing:

“This is a year for new beginnings, for new starts, for new ideas, for anything new. It is a time to plant, to sow seeds. Seeds planted this year will have an effect on the next eight years. Remember seeds do not come up overnight. They must first germinate and take root. Only then do they grow. Give your ideas a chance to take root. Be yourself, and put forward with determination. Lay your groundwork now. Stay busy and keep things moving. This is your year to pioneer and break new ground. “

Are you ready to see what the new year holds?  Have you planted your seeds?  Are you willing to be yourself, work  hard and wait for your seeds to take root?

I am!  I am looking forward to what God has planned for me in 2012 and further into the future.

Kathy